They told me that many of their friends reject the idea of boxing oneself into any identity in particular. And I think more and more folks have felt comfortable identifying as queer, above other more limiting labels.Ī while back, I had a conversation with a couple of teenagers about sexuality and gender identity. As we became more involved with allyship and activism, queer culture became the prominent umbrella for anything outside traditional heteronormative concepts of gender identity and sexuality. When I was a teenager and young adult, many of my friends identified as bisexual, although they may have had more partners of one gender over another. This upends things it challenges you, and potentially your peers, to expand the concept of who you are. I understand that there is an added layer of difficulty, especially when you may have fought for your identity. You’ve spent your life being physically attracted to men, and this is incongruous with what you’re now feeling for this woman. There is a difference between physical attraction and romantic love. While they can certainly be connected, that is separate from why or how we fall in love with a person. Sexual orientation is based on sexual desire toward people of particular genders. What if it’s a lot simpler than that? Is it possible to fall in love with someone at odds with one’s sexual orientation? The short answer is yes. The thing about love and sexuality is that we spend a lot of time overthinking things. That’s a platitude that is easy to latch on to, but developing feelings, be they love or lust or like or some combination, are nuanced, to be sure. What does this mean? Am I bisexual? I feel like my entire identity has been turned upside down. Now I’m confused about my sexuality, as I am starting to develop feelings for my female friend. She’s made all the mistakes, so you don’t have to… Ask Erin is a weekly advice column, in which Erin answers your burning questions about anything at all.